Trinity, MLK, and Babies!

Only a few more weeks till classes our done for my first quarter here at Fuller. My time here has been such a gift, blessings of education and perspective, community and loving relationships, and God's hand appearing in outright ways to guide and bless us and those we care for. My most enjoyable class, christian ethics, is coming to a close and I wanted to share a theological thought our professor Dr. Lee has emphasized over and over. Trinity.

Trinity brings up some strange reactions and thoughts. Seems like a very abstract concept, 3-in-1, with perhaps no practical purpose or relevance to normal everyday people. Not many sermons are based on the Trinity and its implications, at least ones I've heard. Yet, what I've learned about this ancient theological belief is changing the way I see all of life. The idea behind trinity is that God, three distinct person in one essence, are and have been in loving relationships with one another before time began. These relationships are reciprocating, loving, focusing on the others desire. The closest thing on earth we have to compare is marriage; two becoming one, choosing to lay down one's time, energy, 'life' for the other in love. Genesis 1 alludes to this community God, "Let us make man in OUR image". This relational focused God has always been loving, always been in a dance of give and take, and out of that eternal love birthed creation into being to share in their love. What does this mean? We were created for relationships- God, self, others... to put it simply in MLK's words. This is transforming my way of thinking about the purpose of life.

With that short introduction into the giant concept of trinity, I want to share a few of Martin Luther King Jr.'s ideas. I knew almost nothing about this prophet of human rights before this class. My professor, Dr. Lee, has written a book on King's theology and spiritual passion that directed his movement. King's overarching goal of the non-violent movement was the pursuing of the "beloved community", made up of all races under the love of God and seeing the image of God in one another. This was King's "Dream", and it is trinity incarnate. I find it invigorating that such a powerful movement with fueled not only by love, but for the goal of a world community of love for one another. King saw all life as interrelated. If your neighbor robbed, you are hurt as well. King said that, "the universe is structured that if I am not caring for my neighbor, it will not run rightly." As Desmund Tutu declares, "God has a dream".

I thought it strange and interesting that an Asian American would write a book on MLK. But it illustrates both that we are far from this beloved community, that I (a white man) think it strange for Lee to write on this culture and struggle not his own. We are separated, segregated, and alienated from one another by our own mistrust, bad experiences, and we need God to reconcile us to one another as well as himself. Lee's book also illustrates the strings of love being sown together between black and asian cultures, at least in discussion and empathy.

I could write a good bit about this; Father, Son, and Spirit in loving relationship to one other wants us to do the same. The goal of life is changing for me. Actually, everything in life will be changing for me! Tal is pregnant! we saw the sonogram of the little belly bean on tuesday. He(she) moved around for us and kicked his little legs! What a miracle- we have no idea whats going on in there! Knit him/her together! Our beloved community is growing :) we are both excited and nervous a bit about the pregnancy. Your prayers are loved for our lil raspberry. September 23rd is our due date.

One last comment on Trinity and the need for community in our lives. Think of your day-2-day life. What brings you the most energy? What fills you with life and refreshment?

Isn't it relationships? Investing love into them? That personal connection that moves you and the other into mutual life giving interaction. A word, a compliment. A deed, someone cleaned the lent collector in the dryer for you. A genuine smile. Being genuine is so important.

Think about the most life draining things of your day... is it a relationship?

The universe is interrelated. Life or death can be breathed into us by another.

Theocracy!?

One month we've been in California, second week of Fuller classes. We talked a lot about finances before we came out here and even more now that were here. I could have gotten the same degree on paper in Ga for 1/3 of the cost... but it would only be the same on paper. The Fuller classes have been so refreshing, eye opening, and simply wonderful- I'm so glad we chose Fuller.

I had an interview yesterday for a potential job working with Autistic children and their families to develop "Floortime". Its a technique that uses natural play time with developing communication and connection- using play to learn! I don't know much of the technique yet but I am so excited to have the opportunity to counsel even before my degree!

Here's a short clip on Floortime with its founder Dr. Stanley Greenspan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrXGh9bT0Sw

Right now I am in a Christian Ethics class, in which we are study where did our general moral standards come from, the mindsets of modernism and postmodernism and their effect on our society's morality today. I had always heard of modern and postmodern but never really understood their mindsets- now I realize that I've been influenced by both! I won't go into their details, but I do want to highlight on a point that I've been questioning for awhile. Theocracy.

Ever heard, "We need to get back to the morals that made this christian nation great!" or "Its all gone down hill since they took prayer out of schools," or even "Homosexuals should not be allowed to marry in this country!" I've heard these phrases a lot coming from the right, the church, and people in general. I have always thought, what role should christians play in government that governs all people, not just christians? "Jesus for President" by Shane Claiborne first struck a chord in me by emphasizing that we don't put our trust in Red or Blue, but in our Trinity God to save us. We are under a new party, Christ.

In Christian Ethics, we're studying a book "Choosing the Good" by Dennis Hollinger, that speaks about how some christian groups are trying to form a Theocracy, a government controlled, in some aspect, by a religion. For a reference point Iraq and Iran are theocracies of Islam, completely controlled and directed by the faith. Hollinger points out that this mode of government is unfair to other religions/sects and has a history of corruption. Catholic indulgences, Henry the XIII and his church of England... his 7ish (cant remember #) beheaded wives. Forcing others to convert or die by military force like the missionaries to North and South America (not all missionaries). There is considerable evidence in our history that a religiously bias government is just that, a bias government. If one religion, whichever it may be, is favored in a government other religions are the outsiders and their right be heard can be comprised.

"There is a different and better way... a commitment to truth and pluralism that need not contradict". (pg.252) Pluralism here meaning the mixing of many different cultures and beliefs so common in our global society. This approach would mean Christians advocating for their voices to be heard in the pubic area, which is now so often dominated by the 'secular', there is no ear to hear the concerns and opinions of people of faith. But it would also mean Christians advocating for the rights of all other religions to be heard. We don't necessarily have to believe everything they do to seek their right to be heard along side us. It is our "cherishing of human rights and freedoms, which come from an understanding that all people are created in the image of God" that motivates Me to this position.

This is just one point Hollinger makes about how and why Christians can and should interact with the public area differently. Not seeking to force our morals legally onto another... that does not cultivate a relationship with the loving God. That is giving disciplinary power to the police to ticket you for 'taking the Lord's name in vain' or another one of the Ten Commandments. If you're interested in more, I'd love to send you some more info via email:
andrew.phillips08@gmail.com

May our Lord's love and peace be in your lives. New adventures are on the horizon.

Aflame

     My mind is aflame with thoughts of how to live life, possibilities of the future and present, and what we need to do now. We have been here in California for 3 weeks now, and the transition has not been easy for either of us. We miss our friends. We miss the familiarity of old sites. We miss the consideration of another. But I am not writing this BLOG to vent, I am writing it to express the thought paths developing inside.

     Questions are what brought us here to Fuller. Sam Keen, I picked up his book "Hymns to an Unknown God" at my aunt's house in Pinos Altos, NM. He is a writer, philosopher, and at one time editor for Psychology today for 20 years. I popped it open and read a part from the middle- i like to do that to get a taste of a book- and I have been taken with Keen, his writing style and insights about the human journey. His urge is for us to experience the spirit of life/God/ourselves in everyday life- not merely in the halls of a church. Calling for the awakening that "everything is spiritual" (thank you rob bell), Keen retells stories of his and others past to stimulate our spirits (our inner lives) to come to life again from the numbing busyness and over-stimulation that accompanies our culture. He speaks of the treasure of silence, which I am a believer in. But the point that struck me most was about our bodies.

     "Glory in the Lowest" is Keen's clever word play about getting back in touch with our senses. In many mainstream religions there has always been a separation from the carnal and the spiritual- one the highest good, the other a entangling evil, or a temporary tent at best. From Buddhism's practice of the body and its desires as the causation of suffering with relief being the dis-attachment of all things, to Christianity's outlook of the flesh, like gravity, pulling us constantly toward sin and temptation. I had always felt this contradiction within from my spirit and body- viewing my flesh bad, spirit good. Keen explains that our body/mind/spirit are all connected, and he invites us to find glory in our lowly senses- touch, taste, sight, sound, smell. These most basic attributes to all human kind are such gifts, such a thing to be celebrated and are yet held cautiously at arm's length. Practicing of enjoyment of the senses inspires and brings life to the spirit. It connects us to the physical life and reality around us.

    To save you friend from my long ramblings of these thoughts I'll try to summarize. Keen's insights about our "glory in the lowest" inspired and freed me to genuinely enjoy life! I have sensed a barrier in myself between my desires and my duties, my spirit and flesh, dissolve and be able to guilelessly and effortlessly enjoy the moment. Yet, the enjoyment and acceptance of the body is just one peak on an inward mountain range. Questions have emerged in me from this book that would have scared me years ago. I am a little scared to write this as I don't know what my readers/friends will think, but I want to write my thoughts- if only to tell someone.

     In my attempts to live a christian life I have felt a burden, a continual nagging that I am not doing enough, doing it right, praying enough, etc. After confessing this to a dear friend he suggested that I take the next day and do whatever I felt like doing. Heresy? Sounded like it, but the soul crushing guilt I knew could not be from a Lord of Love. During my time at the Monastery in Conyers Ga, I discovered a great guilt that accompanied missing a devotion, not praying 'enough' (an hour a day in my mind). The picture was of God as a giant whining baby, emotionally unstable and prone to tantrums if I missed my agreed upon schedule. I knew this could not be God either and was freed of my quiet time guilt. These steps along my journey are what have led me to believe that the inward journey will lead us to truth- self reflection and silence. My newest mark of freedom comes in thinking about the will of God differently. Instead of constantly asking God what i should do, I have been listening to my own heart, my own desires and following them unashamedly. Enjoying the time playing a video-game, laughing at a goofy look with Shantal, resting in the peace that comes from your dog snuggled up against your leg- all glories of life inspired by love. At first my thought is that perhaps God's will is ambivalent to what we do. There is no right and wrong in choices- freedom is ours for the taking! But thanks to my recent exploration into Quakerism and their emphasis on the individuals faith journey, I see that there is a great 'good' will, a transcendent will inspiring people.

     It is very hard to put it into words- but I feel free to be my true-self (Merton), and letting my true-self explore what it wants, and in the process revealing myself to myself. Part of that freedom is the relaxation in my prespective of God's expectations of me. As Brother Hugh said to me at the Monastery, "Relax- you always grow more when you're relaxed".

Hospitality

I wanted to share this passage from good ol' Henri Nouwen entitled "The Virtues of Hospitality"...

"Making one's own wounds a source of healing... this does not call for a sharing of superficial personal pains but for a constant willingness to see one's own pain and suffering as rising from the depth of the human condition which all men share...

"How does healing take place? Many words, such as care and compassion, understanding and forgiveness, fellowship and community, have been used for the healing task of the Christian minister. I like to use the word hospitality, not only because it has such deep roots in the Judaeo-Christian tradition, but also, and primarily, because it gives us more insight into the nature of response to the human condition of loneliness. Hospitality is the virtue which allows us to break through the narrowness of our own fears and to open our houses to the stranger, with the intuition that salvation comes to us in the form of a tired traveler. Hospitality makes anxious disciples into powerful witnesses, makes suspicious owners into generous givers, and makes closed minded sectarians into interested recipients of new ideas and insights...
..."Human withdrawal is a very painful and lonely process because it forces us to face directly our own condition in all its beauty as well as misery. When we are not afraid to enter into our own center and to concentrate on the stirrings of our own soul, we come to know that being alive means being loved. This experience tells us that we can only love because we are born out of love, that we can only give because our life is a gift and that we can only make others free because we are set free by him whose heart is greater than ours. When we have found the anchor places for our lives in our own center, we can be free to let others enter into the space created for them and allow them to dance their own dance, sing their own song, and speak their own language without fear. Then our presence is no longer threatening and demanding but inviting and liberating.

"The minister who has come to terms with his own loneliness and is at home in his own house is a host who offers hospitality to his guests. He gives them a friendly space where they may feel free to come and go, to be close and distant, to rest and to play, to talk and to be silent, to eat and to fast. The paradox indeed is that hospitality asks for the creation of an empty space where the guest can find his own soul.

"Why is this healing ministry? It is healing because it takes away the false illusion that wholeness can be given by one to another. It is healing because it does not take away the loneliness and the pain of another, but invites him to recognize his loneliness on a level where it can be shared. Many people in this life suffer because they are anxiously searching for the man or woman, the event or encounter, which will take their loneliness away. But when they enter a house with real hospitality they soon see that their own wounds must be understood, not as sources of despair and bitterness, but as signs that they have to travel on in obedience to the calling sounds of their own wounds...

"A minister is not a doctor whose primary task is to take away pain. Rather, he deepens the pain to a level where it can be shared."

Next Year... Things Are Gonna Change.

After thought and consideration, Tyler and I have decided to postpone our India trip till next summer, of 2010. Our reasons for doing this is more planning time, to allow more people to go, and to be finished with school when we go. I think this will allow us to be more fully present while we are over there because it will be the dawn of a new era in our lives having graduated weeks before hand.

My only fear is that we will get to busy, or to man opportunities will arise and we will not go to Calcutta. But we decide that, unless the Lord has other plans. On a more present note, and jumping off of the previous post, TRUSTING God has been a wild and peaceful ride. I am learning about God and His faithfulness, how He "rewards those who earnestly seek Him", Hebrews 11:6.

Here's a thought I've been pondering: Expectations. A friend recently stated he wanted to get a tattoo on his body (go figure) that said "No Expectations". This seems to be a fairly go motto to live by as you are never deceivingly looking for something to happen, or wanting yourself to experience something a certain way. Expectations seem to put whatever we put them on, in a box. Containing them to only what we think they should be or what outcome we deem desirable. I find I do this alot. I have expectations mostly of myself- i need to love or serve a certain way. I'm not loving God the way I should, or i'm not loving people the way I ought. These expectations of myself, of what a christian ---should be--- and of others around me place a viel of guilt surrounding all i do and a sense of failure; nothing I do is ever good enough. There is no celebration of a victory, just a sigh as I look at how I didn't quite meet this invisible bar, this standard that I have set for myself- not God. If God clled us to perfection, then Peter would be in hell!

With all these thought out there, and the ability to live without expecting this "perfection" life, the temptation is to apply this same notion to God. This is tricky. While putting expectations on God is somewhat placing Him in a box, He also tells us to do it. Like the Hebrews verse above implies... "He rewards those who earnestly seek Him". I have to believe that if I pursue Him, He will not only see me but reward me- if I ask, I will recieve. I believe the question is HOW will God chose to answer, reward, give... HOW will he choose to act on our behalf. From what I can see in others lives, our no expectations we place on God is the worse box we can put Him in. We think He can do nothing. Or He's to busy, our problem isn't that important. No Expectations bios down to the view that God is not good, but he is neutral. Read the heros of the faith, read the writers of your favorite hymns, talk for 5 minutes with some of your closest friends and it is obvious that our God is good. We can not only Expect that God is good, but we can rest in that and ask for more.

The only dangerous thing out expectations set on God is we narrow down how he speaks, he works, he loves, his presence. I am a HUGE narrower-downer. Anything I don't understand I usually avoid or try to ride off as being useless for the Kingdom. Bottem line: Expectations can be suffocating; they can led to inaction or passionless action. FREEDOM is the key. Expecting God to move is not bad or selfish, it is required of our faith. That's what He promised; we are not alone in this thing.

Love yall, I'll try to keep this blog updated as we get closer to the trip.

Trust...

Trust. It's one of the hardest things to do. You can't have love without it, if you can't trust someone with your heart. Yet if we chose to trust, to allow ourselves to love... we will get hurt. Without a doubt.

But, without trust we will live a numb, self-protected existence. This is one reason why Jesus said, "If you lose your life for my sake, you will find it"...or..."to follow me you must hate your mother, brother, even your own life". Self-preservation = self destruction. Fear, anxiety, low self-esteem all arising from our own "need" for self-preservation.

Trust sets us free.

It frees us from being "double-minded" like James speaks about. It allows us to take up Joy in the "hope not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). It frees us to grow- to trust that voice within that we do hear, and we can act upon that voice. To trust the scriptures we read, or say we need to, everyday but have a hard time acting on them. Our feet will land on solid ground.

I seem to be realizing that most of my worries, anxieties, fears, issues that want to consume my life for hours are rooted in my inability to trust God- thank you for grace.

Here is one of my favorite- i'm talking LOVED- quotes for Henri Nouwen:

"Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?
"Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of willpower. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way. You know that inner voice. You turn to it often. But after you have heard with clarity what you are asked to do, you start raising questions, fabricating objections, and seeking everyone else's opinion. Thus you become entangled in countless often contradictory thoughts, feelings, and ideas and lose touch with the God in you. And you end up dependent on all the people who have gathered around you.
"Only by attending constantly to the inner voice can you be converted to a new life of freedom and joy."


I am learning to trust that inner voice. To trust that he loves me, that he wants me and that life is better than i thought.

Love till it hurts...

I spend so much time trying to be "right". So much life making sure what I am doing and saying is right, that it's the right thing to say and do. I talk to people about Jesus because that's the "right" thing to do... I tell others He is my Joy and Peace, that he loves me when I don't give Him a lot of time to speak to me in silence, to soak in His love and acceptance. A lot of times I don't feel His love, and i think that it is partly because I don't allow Him to love me, i don't allow His peace or Jo to penetrate me- because I don't trust Him.

Someone once told me, "Drew... I feel like God is saying, 'It's time to get in the game'."

That is one of the greatest encouragements anyone has ever given to me, and i got mad when he told me that! 

"What do you mean, get in the game... I'm already in the game!" 

Now, I see that God was referring to my heart. Allowing my heart to "Get in the game" of life. For so long I have strived to do the 'right' thing, i pushed down my heart in exchange for a practice of doing the right thing. I see now that we were meant to eat from the tree of LIFE not the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 

One of the reason some Christians seem to be unable to relate to the rest of the world is because we don't acknowledge and embrace our own humanity. Ours wants and desires, our pain and shame, our guilt and fear. We create an image to project to others to appear "christian" or "right", all the while we suffocate our hearts- we don't live in freedom but rather a slave to doing the 'right' thing. Without acknowledging and embracing our humanity, letting our hearts dare to live, we will forever be neutral, numb, lukewarm "christians" never following the desires and dreams we were created with. Few of us know truly what we want in this life, few of us even ask ourselves that question. We don't want to get our hopes up. (by desires, i mean: hopes and dreams, finding  a 'mate' for example, spending your life on something that is worth giving it to- whatever it is to you).

Our God is a BIG God. Dare to HOPE for something more.

I see now that He has come to set us free... though I don't always live in the freedom He's given. So many times i will "check-out" of situations where I have little or no control, I will move somewhere in the room more comfortable for me- whether in the bathroom alone or with people I know well or i know will not ask me revealing questions or make me feel vulnerable. At times I will seek God for help, for comfort but in my heart I will not allow him room to move me, to change my actions for fear He will not come through...

But, "it is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free" Galations 5:1 ...I am free to allow myself to love someone, to take joy in others and in life, to allow myself to Hope for something better. Allowing my heart to ultimately TRUST God and His promises. That He hears my prayers, and I can rest in that truth.

Henri Nouwen (i will quote him alot) said it well-

"It is safe to love... It's safe to embrace vulnerability because we both find ourselves in loving hands. It is safe to be available because someone told us that we stand on solid ground. It is safe to surrender because we will not fall into a dark pit but enter a welcoming home. It is safe to be weak because we are surrounded by a creative strength".

Mother Teresa (her too) once said, "Love till it hurts. Then you find there is no more hurt, only love".

She speaks of freedom I seldom experience, but want to and I take ACTION to take hold of it. I am so seduced by comfort, by leisure; I don't want to be vulnerable, I don't want to be movable, I don't want to put myself out on that ledge where I can be knocked off or lifted up. Yet, I don't feel alive being comfortable...

I distract myself from things that are real, like relationships... with my God, my parents, my friends... Yet I am learning to engage, because I am free- because I am loved. I am tired of my mask. Love cannot penetrate me unless I let it in. The walls around my heart are beginning to break- How Wonderful!!! Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to keep coming after me even when i reject you in my heart. Thank you that you are rescuing me from this body of death into true, abundant life!

I look forward to India, where all masks, all expectations of what I should be and do will fall away with an inescapable reality set before my eyes as I witness people starving and dying, begging to be loved. real people. Only through prayer, communication with Jesus, can I hope to be able to not only survive India but this life by giving mine away to Him, to others... because whoever saves his life will lose it, but whoever loses it gains it.

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you don't get bogged down with all these words. These blogs will build on each other.