Trust. It's one of the hardest things to do. You can't have love without it, if you can't trust someone with your heart. Yet if we chose to trust, to allow ourselves to love... we will get hurt. Without a doubt.
But, without trust we will live a numb, self-protected existence. This is one reason why Jesus said, "If you lose your life for my sake, you will find it"...or..."to follow me you must hate your mother, brother, even your own life". Self-preservation = self destruction. Fear, anxiety, low self-esteem all arising from our own "need" for self-preservation.
Trust sets us free.
It frees us from being "double-minded" like James speaks about. It allows us to take up Joy in the "hope not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). It frees us to grow- to trust that voice within that we do hear, and we can act upon that voice. To trust the scriptures we read, or say we need to, everyday but have a hard time acting on them. Our feet will land on solid ground.
I seem to be realizing that most of my worries, anxieties, fears, issues that want to consume my life for hours are rooted in my inability to trust God- thank you for grace.
Here is one of my favorite- i'm talking LOVED- quotes for Henri Nouwen:
"Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?
"Conversion is certainly not something you can bring about yourself. It is not a question of willpower. You have to trust the inner voice that shows the way. You know that inner voice. You turn to it often. But after you have heard with clarity what you are asked to do, you start raising questions, fabricating objections, and seeking everyone else's opinion. Thus you become entangled in countless often contradictory thoughts, feelings, and ideas and lose touch with the God in you. And you end up dependent on all the people who have gathered around you.
"Only by attending constantly to the inner voice can you be converted to a new life of freedom and joy."
I am learning to trust that inner voice. To trust that he loves me, that he wants me and that life is better than i thought.
